The Chicago Public School system’s plan for a gay-friendly high school are on hold for at least a year, and I have mixed feelings about the whole situation. It seems the people leading the effort to start the school were pressured to remove almost all the gayness from their original proposal, which led to disagreement within the committee on how much the language should be watered down. Unable to find an immediate compromise, the team decided to wait until next year to revise and submit the proposal. Here are a few of the specifics from the Sun-Times:

They changed the name of the school from the High School for Social Justice Pride Campus to the Social Justice Solidarity High School. They removed language saying the school would address the “needs of the underserved population of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning youth and their Allies (LGBTQA)” in favor of language that said the school would address “city-wide concerns over violence, bullying and harassment.”

Other references to gays were stripped from the description of the school’s social studies and fine arts curriculum, but kept as part of its literature component. The revised plan also kept a planned “GLBTQ Studies” elective.

Obviously the concept of a gay-friendly high school brings up a lot of controversial questions. Doesn’t everyone get teased? Aren’t we discouraging tolerance by making schools less diverse? Don’t all kids need to learn how to cope with teasing? And most importantly, what will happen to the theater and choir programs at non-magnet schools when all the gays disappear?

I think all the concerns about gay-friendly magnet schools are completely legit. I understand why many people feel that this is not the solution to harassment and bullying problems in public schools. However, as a magnet-school alum, my own experience makes it impossible for me to be objective on this.

I’ve been setting off people’s gaydar since I was five and I spent my formative years attending a public school in a small, über-Baptist town in Alabama. I wasn’t just teased—I was terrorized. From middle school through sophomore year, I went to great lengths to avoid having the shit beaten out of me on a regular basis. I searched my school handbook for every loophole that might get me out of gym class and I took every honors course I could. Still, I couldn’t avoid the cafeteria, and when kids would throw food in my hair day after day, I got really good at pretending it was just a recurring accident. I couldn’t avoid shared hallways, but I did learn to avoid the areas that no teachers watched over. I couldn’t avoid going to my locker, but I did learn to access it in record time while keeping an eye out for the latest guy who had threatened to kick my ass.

My house was the last stop on a 45-minute bus route that went through multiple trailer parks. I was usually able to create a buffer between me and the deer-hunting, mullet-sporting guys who hated my faggy guts. I had enough female friends on the bus to keep the bullies a few seats away, but I couldn’t afford for any of them to be out sick. Even a small hole in my fortification could free up a place for the enemy in an adjacent seat.

At the start of my junior year, I made my escape to a magnet boarding school. While the school had no gay-friendly mission statement, it was full of nerdy misfits from around the state. That campus was my own little Israel—a five-acre reparation for the Holocaust that was my public-school education. (Except in the Jewish Holocaust, people were deprived of food and forced to perform manual labor for the very people who hated them, while I was deprived of rigorous foreign-language courses and pressured to go to Wednesday night bible study at the First Baptist Church.)

In the end, I think it’s wise for Chicago’s gay-friendly high school to broaden its mission. A magnet school focused on creating a safe, supportive learning environment through tolerance is something I can wholeheartedly support. In the end, I realize that might not make it much different from most other magnet schools. But I’m o.k. with that because I believe in the importance of magnet schools in general. I know first-hand that magnets can serve as incubators for innovative approaches to education, where the staff are able test experimental policies and new teaching strategies that could prove useful in other schools once they’re refined.

I believe there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to the problems that currently plague public schools. Different students have different needs that specialized schools are better equipped to address. I’d love to see all schools adopt zero-tolerance policies on bullying and affirm in writing that they do not allow discrimination or harassment on the basis of sexual orientation. But in the mean time, there are kids who face serious challenges if they’re forced to remain in their current schools—and I’m not just talking about the kids who face the serious challenge of an atomic wedgie or a lemon swirly. I’m talking about kids who might drop out or kill themselves because they feel completely alone or fear for their safety. I’m talking about kids who will struggle to accept themselves for years or decades because they never heard they might be fine just the way they are.

I don’t believe that these kids need to suffer because it builds character and prepares them for the real world. (In the real world, my boss doesn’t pull my pants down at a meeting and write butt pirate on my forehead with a Sharpie.) At the same time, I don’t think it’s necessary to create a school just for gay kids, and I realize that even a school for gay kids can’t protect children from the social traumas of adolescence. However, I do think school shouldn’t make anyone want to die. For now, I think magnet schools offer the most immediate solution to ensure that kids don’t fall through the cracks because they don’t fit in. Of course, I’m also open to subsidizing gangs of teenage drag-queens who offer protection in exchange for sequins and acrylic nails.

A friend of mine recently sent me link to a great news story from Pooler, a small town in Southeast Georgia near my old stomping grounds in Savannah. (Yes, I have a lot of old stomping grounds.) Apparently, Dr. Kim (a white pediatrician married to an Asian man) has had it up to here with her incompetent staff and the election of Obama pushed her over the edge. As a result, she sent her employees the memo shown below.

For more, you can read the full article on the WSAV.com website.

I hate to be a downer, but when is some news network going to take a break from the Obama mania to point out that California’s gay marriage ban has passed? I’m as happy as the next Democrat that Obama won, but when is someone going to stop talking about how his election represents a quantum leap forward in the fight for civil rights and note that Obama would have had his ass handed to him if he had openly supported gay marriage?

More importantly, will anyone ever mention that in the exit polls, 70% of African-Americans voted in favor of the ban, while only 47% of white Californians supported it? Adding insult to injury, the ban on gay marriage in Florida has passed by a huge margin, with 71% of African-Americans voting in favor of it vs. 60% of whites. It boggles my mind that black people went to the polls in droves, literally tearing up as they cast their votes for Obama. They talked to news reporters over and over, describing how a black man in the white house could finally prove that we can all be treated equally and achieve our dreams. Then, seconds later, on that SAME BALLOT, three out of four black people voted to deny another minority the right to marry. Initially, I assumed this number must be the result of homophobic black men offsetting the gay-friendly voting habits of black women. Then I noticed that 76% of black women voted for the ban! So let this be a warning to you, Mo’nique. You better renounce the vile voting habits of your fellow sistahs before you find yourself forced to do your own hair and makeup on the set of Phat Girlz 2.

Perhaps even more depressing is the new ban on gay adoption that passed by 57% in Arkansas. I should acknowledge that this ban is not exclusively aimed at keeping gay people down. It also denies unmarried straight couples the right to adopt or be foster parents. So, at least people in Arkansas agree that the real problem here is not just that gay parents turn their kids gay or that all gay men are child molesters. It’s that kids turn out terribly when they’re not raised by two straight, married parents. And who can blame them? If yesterday’s election taught us anything, it’s that kids raised by single mothers never amount to anything.

I know everyone is probably tired of political news, but I thought this article was important enough to pass along. Democracy Now has an interesting and frightening interview with Mark Crispin Miller, a professor of media culture and communication at New York University. Mark is apparently well-versed on the vote-tampering and disenfranchising techniques that the Republicans used to steal the election in 2000 and 2004. In the interview, he discusses some of his concerns about problems that early voters have already encountered over the last month or so and he addresses the ACORN hype and hysteria. He also provides some insight on bizarre procedures for the management of electronic voting data in key swing states and talks about the ultra-conservative, computer-savvy folks who may very well fudge the results in McCain’s favor.

I promise to take a break from politics and post something mindless and fluffy very soon.

I have to admit that I think last night’s debate was McCain’s strongest performance so far (although that’s not saying much). He did a decent job of painting Obama to be a tax-and-spend, Socialism-loving liberal who wants to take money away from guys like Joe the plumber and give it to some anonymous welfare queen. I found a clip of Obama’s now legendary encounter with Joe, and it wasn’t quite as bad as I expected. However, I wish he had done more to clarify exactly how the tax increase works. Does it just increase the taxes on your personal income if you make over $250,000 after all your expenses and payroll costs are covered? Or is there some kind of double taxation going on here where more is going to be take off the top based on revenue before expenses? And if so, isn’t that avoidable as long as the business is a sole proprietorship or an LLC since the owners of these types of businesses only get taxed on what they make after every expense is covered and employee is paid? (My understanding is only corporations pay taxes on income before that income is distributed to employees.)

While I doubt that this is a game-changer for Obama, it is exactly the kind of issue that matters to swing voters like my parents. If the fact is that this guy is bringing home over 250K per year after all the businesses’ bills are paid, then I think Obama’s response was perfectly reasonable. However, Obama could have done more to point out that this guy is not some blue-collar everyman from a Bruce Springsteen song. He’s more like Jennifer Lopez—someone who now makes more than anyone else she grew up with, but still wants to be treated like “Jenny from the block.” And much like Jennifer Lopez, Joe is now appalled at how much it costs to employ a small army of Mexicans to do your bidding.

This video clip is amazing. After working so hard to get Americans to associate Obama with domestic terrorist Bill Ayers, I guess McCain finally realized things were getting a little out of hand. The woman who stands up at the end is well worth the wait.

My mom called Wednesday night right after Sarah Palin wrapped up her speech, and we had a very interesting and heated discussion about why she and my father are voting Republican in November. Despite my persistent campaign to gently, kindly convert them to Obama-ism, I had a feeling my parents weren’t going to vote for Barack, and I’m 110% sure they never would have voted for Hillary.

My mom can’t really put her finger on why she hates Hillary. She assumes Hillary will raise taxes, but that’s more of a general beef she has with all Democrats. More than anything, my mom thinks of Hillary as a ruthless bitch, and not in that cool hockey mom way. (Oh, Chelsea! Why couldn’t you have been born an Alaskan boy who liked to stomp in the faces of your rivals with razor-sharp skate blades?) I think Palin’s bitchiness goes down easier because she’s the perfect blue-collar feminist—tough enough to field dress a moose and reapply a coat of Revlon’s Midnight Rose all at the same time; human enough to have a pregnant teenage daughter and pious enough to tell everyone that abortion is never the answer. Oh, and in case you haven’t heard, she also has a baby with special needs. She’ll even let you take a picture with it for a small donation. Just don’t dilly dally because she needs him back in time for an appearance on The View.

My mom loved Sarah’s speech and it’s easy for me to see why. It was brilliantly written and well-delivered, but most of all, it made her seem like the sassy neighbor who every mom in the subdivision can’t help but love. Sarah is selling millions of women on the idea that she’s fighting the good ol’ boys network and no one seems to notice that she’s a card-carrying member. It’s like heralding Aunt Jemima as a neo-feminist who fought the good ol’ boys at Quaker Oats because public opinion finally forced the company to let her take off that doo rag and start a part-time catering business. You go girl! (But don’t start wearing pantsuits just yet and make sure dinner’s still on the table when Uncle Jemima gets home.)

After talking to my mom about Sarah’s weaknesses, it became clear to me that no weapon formed against Palin shall prosper. Want to claim Sarah’s experience as mayor of Wasilla didn’t prepare her to be Vice President? Well I’m sorry that Wasilla isn’t “cosmopolitan” enough for you, city slicker. Want to question her on her own admission that she has no idea what the vice president does all day? Well, she doesn’t have to answer that because she’s not going to Washington to please you, Campbell Brown. She’s an outsider and proud of it, baby! She’ll live in a wigwam on the white house lawn and dry caribou jerky on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, just you wait and see.

So what’s a gay guy to do? My best friend advised that I should play the gay card. Remind my mother that Sarah Palin won’t support my right to get married or adopt kids, and that a vote for Palin is a vote against the basic human rights of her own flesh and blood. On the one hand, I don’t hesitate to point out that I can’t vote Republican because the Republicans are only hands off when it comes to helping the poor, but not when it comes to stem cells or marijuana or unwanted pregnancy or gay sex or any other moral regulation God needs help with.

On the other hand, I don’t think I can control who my parents vote for by threatening to never speak to them again and I don’t like to press my luck when it comes to their tolerance of my “lifestyle” and my “friend.” When I was 17 and my parents found out I was using their AOL account to meet guys online, I suddenly found myself on a plane to spend Christmas with my biological father in Iowa. It was the first time I ever had to spend the holidays away from home and at the time, I wondered if my relationship with my mother would ever recover. So, I’m pretty happy that they don’t spit on my boyfriend and that we’re both welcome at all major family functions these days.

In the end, I’m still not sure if my friend is right. Maybe I’m too complacent. Maybe he’s doing more for gay rights by demanding political solidarity from anyone who claims to love and care about him. It’s hard to know when you’ll catch more flies with honey. I like to think the best option lies somewhere in the middle—to speak softly and carry a lot of pamphlets. At the very least, we owe it to ourselves to be well informed and to know the views and plans of all the candidates inside and out. We may not be able to win over others with vinegar or honey, but we may be able to bring them a little closer to our side with patience and a lot of accurate information.

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This video of McCain voguing is the best thing to appear on the Colbert Report in months. It’s definitely going in my already overflowing “filing cabinet of regrets” in a folder labeled “Things I Wish I Could Take Credit For.”

This McCain does Elvis version is pretty funny/creepy as well.

I probably should have read The Audacity of Hope BEFORE giving Barack my vote in the Illinois primaries, but I figured better late than never. On the negative side, the book is a bit dry in places. Barack does plenty of political name dropping and never misses an opportunity to show off his familiarity with the Constitution and America’s political history. Also, I wish he would have included a few more specific examples on how he plans to fix our biggest problems as a nation. (He does provide examples, just not as many as I would have liked.)

With that said, I felt really great about the prospect of Obama leading the country after making it through just the first few chapters. He comes off as incredibly intelligent, sincere, and reasonable. I also got the impression that he’s humble enough (or at least was when he wrote the book) to surround himself with smart people who won’t just tell him what he wants to hear. He also seems incredibly passionate about seeing every argument from both sides. He avoids vilifying conservatives and frequently acknowledges that it has become harder and harder to be a successful politician if you’re not comfortable giving simple, yes-or-no answers to complicated questions. He notes that it’s hard to be a pro-choice Democrat who opposes late-term abortion or an NRA-loving Republican who opposes the war in Iraq. He stresses that voters (with a little encouragement from the media) want every issue and every position distilled down to a recognizable label that fits on a button and clearly identifies everyone as friend or foe. It’s nice to imagine Obama shedding some light on the political machine and how it manufactures consent and manipulates public opinion with clever editing and a big advertising budget. I’m not sure if he’ll make it to the White House with that strategy, but it’ll be interesting to watch.

I feel obligated to mention that I love Hillary and I think she would also make an excellent President. I’m elated to have two great candidates and I’m trying to enjoy the excitement of the competition between now and the convention without obsessing too much about the outcome. (Although I am concerned that they’re both wasting a lot of money fighting for the nomination.) I’ll be happy to support Hillary, but now that I’ve read up on Barack, I feel more confident that my primary vote wasn’t a mistake.

After waiting around a one-room Bahamian airport all day only to have my flight to Miami cancelled, I finally made my way back home to Chicago on Monday. I still haven’t bothered to move my vacation photos off my digital camera, which may be for the best since nobody really likes looking at other people’s photos of palm trees and starfish. I’m still digging myself out of the usual avalanche of post-vacation e-mails and errands. So, until I have time to write a more insightful, original post, I thought I’d fall back on the lazy blogger’s best friend: offering up a link to a moderately interesting site to let you know I’m still alive while buying myself some time. Here goes:

If you enjoy pondering just how close the democratic race might be as the few remaining states conduct their primaries, then you might enjoy fiddling with the Democratic delegate calculator over at cnn.com. I tried several different combinations and none of them were enough to tip the scales in Hillary’s favor, but maybe I’m selling her short. Perhaps she’ll have some sort of unexpected Puerto Rican landslide or get mad love from the North Carolinians.

Back in August, I was looking forward to seeing Jodie Foster in her victim-turned-vigilante thriller The Brave One. Like so many things that catch my attention, I lost interest in the movie almost immediately, which is why I didn’t see it until just a few days ago. In short, it was pretty forgettable and most of the dialogue was awful, so I won’t waste time promoting it any further. However, I remain fascinated with the concept of vigilante justice. The older I get, the more I feel like everyone should probably carry some type of concealed, non-lethal weapon. While I’m not going to join the NRA any time soon, I would like the right to pepper spray people who are a threat to my personal well being—like those assholes who stand outside my office every day aggressively soliciting donations for Save The Children. I told one once that I already made a donation, to which he replied, “Oh really? How much?” Seriously, them and those pushy Greenpeace activists—a little spritz every once in a while might teach those bastards that no means no. That’s all I’m sayin’.

The day after I saw The Brave One, I finally made it to a theater and saw Juno (which was as charming as everyone says it is). That night, my boyfriend and I wound up riding home from the movies at around 8:30. Because our train line runs through a lot of bad neighborhoods on its way to ours, we usually sit in the first car, put on our best “don’t-fuck-with-me” faces, and make it home without any problems. This Saturday, however, a group of hoodlum kids started tormenting my boyfriend about the natural white streak in his hair from the minute we sat down. At first they weren’t particularly obvious. I thought they were just yelling some kind of nonsensical ghetto slang, but it quickly became clear they were shouting the word “spot” over and over and trying to get our attention. They eventually got louder and started moving closer to us, so we got off the train way before our stop. As I stepped onto the platform, one of the guys leaned over me and shouted “Spot!” in my ear. Thanks to years of ignoring similar bullshit as an adolescent trapped in the Alabama public school system, I didn’t flinch too noticeably and just kept walking. A few guys got off behind us, and we weren’t sure if they were a part of the same crowd, so we walked all the way up to the station entrance and waited for them to leave.

We got on the next train home, and my fear turned quickly to anger once I was safe inside my place. I thought about what would have happened if we weren’t able to get off the train. I thought about how stupid it was that neither of us carry pepper spray or a stun gun—especially since I seem to be a gay-basher magnet even in the most unlikely of circumstances. Then I remembered that the reason why I’ve never bought mace or pepper spray or a stun gun is because they’re illegal in the city of Chicago. While looking for more info on concealed weapons laws, I found this hilarious video describing some of the items the Illinois state police suggest a woman should use to ward off an attacker. (I love the serious 80s stock music. It sounded like something that would be perfect to work up a sweat to in Body Fuzion.)

I have noticed that the Walgreens near my office sells something that looks like pepper spray, but it must be some sort of kinder, gentler alternative. Personally, when I’m about to have my brains bashed in, I don’t want to be using a watered-down version of pepper spray. I figure it kind of defeats the purpose if the product is less debilitating than a blast of Aqua Net to the cornea. I want some maximum-strength shit that causes instant death in lab mice and induces heart palpitations in Olympic athletes—something that reduces my sperm count just by carrying it in my pocket and, ideally, makes grown men lose control of their bowels on contact. I guess for now, I’ll have to settle for a pointy comb or try to induce vomiting to discourage my attackers from raping me.