Many people don’t know that I have a mild case of globophobia—a fear of balloons. Technically it’s more a case of ligyrophobia, which is a fear of loud noises, since I’m not really afraid of the balloon itself. I’m primarily afraid that I’ll humiliate myself by screaming like a woman if a balloon pops in my presence. I’ve always been a little ashamed of my globophobia until I saw this crazy biznatch on Maury.
As insane as she seems, I have to say shame on you, Maury, for torturing this poor woman. You just know he and his crew had a grand ol’ time picking out the most terrifying assemblage of balloons in preparation for this show. I’m surprised they didn’t lock her in a plexiglass box filled with those scary cartoon character balloons that have paper maché arms and legs just so the audience could laugh as she soiled herself. I think he probably revealed some secret fear of clowns to Connie Chung years ago and she responded by dressing up like an Asian Ronald McDonald and creeping into bed just to see the look on his face in the morning.
Two wrongs don’t make a right, Maury. How can you be so cruel? And just look how insensitive he was to the poor girl who is terrified of pickles!