As someone who is constantly paranoid about being killed by muggers or gay bashers or gay-bashing muggers, I’m super excited about Jodie Foster’s new movie, The Brave One. In the movie, Jodie plays Erica Bain, a woman whose world is shattered when a pair of thugs beat the crap out of her and kill her fiancé. Wracked with fear and frustration, Erica buys a gun for protection. However, she soon finds herself on a vigilante mission that threatens to rob her of her humanity (and the time to find a more flattering haircut…zing!).
Seeing the trailer reminded me that I really should buy some pepper spray or an Uzi or something before my next late-night public transit adventure. But, more importantly, it reminded me of an article that I read years ago about the Pink Pistols, an organization that encourages gay gun ownership as a way to deter gay bashing. Although guns creep me out, I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of a world in which gay people are the most feared minority, and getting lots of queers to carry concealed weapons seems like a logical place to start.
Of course, carrying a gun or a tube of mace has a few drawbacks. First, I really don’t have room on my keychain for anything that creates unsightly pocket bulge. And forget about keeping it in the man purse. Between the umbrella and the emergency KitKat and the whitening gum and the jar of Carmex, there’s just not room for a gun. Second, as much as I like to think I’m as tough as Julia Roberts in Sleeping with the Enemy, I don’t think I could shoot a gun effectively in a high-pressure situation. With that in mind, I’d like to invent some sort of self-defense device that is more foolproof. Perhaps a modified pomade that leaves my hair shiny and manageable, while also producing an incapacitating vapor whenever my body’s adrenaline production rises suddenly? Or what about a watch that emits a blinding flash of light whenever I reach for my wallet? I’m sure there’d be a trial period in which a few innocent people would be knocked unconscious or have their retinas scarred, but I’m sure the pros would outweigh the cons. Assuming a surefire self-defense device can’t be created soon, I’m open to other suggestions.
This article is cross-posted at boystowners.com.