I love movies that remind me just how much all jobs suck—even jobs that sound particularly glamorous or rewarding. This weekend, I watched The TV Set with David Duchovny and Sigourney Weaver, and it made me incredibly thankful I never moved out to Hollywood to take a stab at scriptwriting. David Duchovny plays Mike, a writer who is struggling to retain his artistic integrity as he goes through the soul-crushing process of establishing a new sitcom. Sigourney Weaver plays Lenny, the foul-mouthed network executive who wants to broaden every show’s appeal by removing any trace of originality from the storyline. At one point in the film, Lenny pressures Mike to remove a critical plot element—the suicide of one of the main characters—by reassuring him that her focus-group research has shown, “Suicide is depressing to like 82% of everybody.”

I must admit, I’m a die-hard Aliens fan, and I have been known to recommend Sigourney Weaver in just about anything. I’d give her an Emmy for best supporting actress in a Kotex commercial. However, in this case, I think everyone would agree she’s amazing and perfect for this role. The TV Set is the next best thing to a peephole into a Hollywood boardroom, so make room for it in your Netflix queue.

Now I’m even more confused about the gender identity of Japanese cartoon characters. Didn’t someone planning this Pokémon promotional event stop to think about the placement of the opening to this thing? And what parent would let their kids crawl into Pikachu’s vagina so they can bounce around in his/her abdominal cavity? I can’t wait for this trend to make its way to my local Six Flags. What kid wouldn’t want to crawl up the rectum of her favorite Warner Brother’s character? I can just hear the ad campaign now. “This fall, Six Flags wants you to be be verwy, verwy quiet…and watch out for colon polyps as you take on Mr. Fudd’s wild ride! Catch some air on Elmer’s enlarged prostate, then hold on tight as you plummet fifty feet straight down his urethra! It’s wet. It’s wild. And it’s only at Six Flags.”

One great way to save big at your favorite retailers and eateries is to sign up for their email newsletters or promotional mailings. Almost every company website has a simple form you can complete to register. I get all kinds of coupons from places where I shop and eat regularly. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Express: I haven’t paid full price for clothing at Express in years. They email me more 20% off coupons than I know what to do with. (Actually, I don’t think I ever paid full price in the past, but that was because I could only afford to rummage through those cardboard boxes full of semi-annual sale items. Now, with my coupons in hand, I get a real rush going into the store and trying on clothes that don’t have a red sign anywhere near them.)
• Banana Republic: Every few months I get a decent coupon I can print and use in stores or a code I can use online.
• Quizno’s: I get coupons for $1 off any regular sub and $2 off any large sub once every two months or so.
• World Market: If you’ve had your eye on any big-ticket items at World Market, don’t buy them until you’ve signed up for their e-mail list. You’ll get a coupon (I think it’s usually for 20% off) within a few days of signing up. I also get a lot of notices about special sales and coupons every few weeks. I think Pier I offers a lot of coupons as well, but I don’t shop there enough to merit being on their list.
• CVS: I get odd coupons all the time from CVS. A recent double-header offered $2 off men’s skincare products and $10 off any $50 purchase. Discounts on CVS-brand products (generic cold medicine, for instance) are also common. The only thing you’ll never get a break on are prescription drug purchases, so don’t hold your breath for that.

Signing up for email lists has served me very well. Of course, some retailers won’t give you squat, but you can always unsubscribe if inbox clutter becomes excessive. It’s definitely worth it if you’re about to buy something expensive, like furniture or a new wardrobe. Plus, even if you don’t get good coupons, just being the first to know about upcoming sales can still help you snag a bargain.

One final note: I just discovered the wonders of autofill plugins—widgets for your web browser that complete common form fields (like your name and contact info) with the click of a button. I currently use AutoFill Forms for Firefox. You can easily find similar tools by doing a Google search for something like “autofill extension Internet Explorer” or “auto complete forms Safari” (without the quote marks). Keep in mind that autofill tools are a big time saver, but they’re not perfect. They’re designed to look for common form field names and fill in the corresponding info, but they get tripped up if the website’s designer didn’t name the form fields in a logical way. So, it’s always wise to just read over the form after you auto complete. There will inevitably be a few options you have to complete by hand anyway.

This article is cross-posted at boystowners.com.

Several years ago, someone thought it would be a good idea to make Kelly Clarkson perform a live duet with Will Young, winner of Great Britain’s Pop Idol. As I’m sure you know, this performance was a disaster and British-American relations haven’t been the same since. Now it seems the Brits have finally found a peace offering worthy of our airwaves. In case you haven’t heard, Leona Lewis is the winner of the British singing competition X Factor, and she has a voice that Simon Cowell has called, “sensual enough to induce hands-free ejaculation.” (Or at least that’s how I imagine he describes it to his friends.) In any event, the video for her new single recently hit YouTube and I thought I’d do my part to begin the healing process between our two great nations by sharing it with you, fair reader. Things to watch for in this video include:

1. wind machine blowing hair at multiple angles
2. sparkly dress with chrome cumberbun
3. girl getting in bathtub fully clothed

My only beef with this song is that the last bit of the chorus really gets stuck in my head. People on the train seem concerned for their safety when I keep softly singing the line, “You cut me open and I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding, love.”

Perhaps I’m a bit late to the party on this one, but I just stumbled upon ThisNext.com, a site that specializes in all sorts of shopping lists and product recommendations based on the input of its users. With Halloween just around the corner, I thought the site was a great place to get some costume inspiration. (I particularly liked the sexy girl scout uniform. Nothing helps you snag the guy of your dreams at a party like a costume designed to appeal to pedophiles.)

I don’t have much time to explore the site, so you’ll all have to check it out and let me know if it’s a keeper.

I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m a gay man and I rarely spend more than $15 on a haircut. Most of the time, this policy makes sense. I typically have a very simple, short cut that is tough to screw up—even for the beauty-school slackers who wind up working at Hair Cuttery. However, when I started growing out my ‘do several months ago, it became harder and harder to describe what I wanted in terms that my bargain-basement Ukranian stylist could understand. Our conversations began to sound something like this:

Me: “I’m going for a sort of Ashton-Kutcher shag, but more á la Punk’d and less circa That ’70s Show.”

Olga: “Yah, 70s shaggy. I know dis way.”

Me: “Umm, yeah. So, I want some wispy bits here over the ears, but nothing too crazy. We don’t need a Flying Nun situation on our hands. Am I right or am I right? I need layers, but nothing that’s going to get me mistaken for Farah Fawcett.”

Olga: “Yah, shaggy, ok.”

Amazingly, the cut that came out of this conversation wasn’t that bad. But it wasn’t great either. So, for my next cut, I decided to go crazy and spend $35 at the salon near my house. A stylist there had already cut my boyfriend’s hair and he was happy with the results, so I gave her a try. Again, the cut wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t twice as good as Olga’s. I really only had myself to blame for the disappointment. I ignored the warning signs—the sponge-painted faux finish on the walls, the patrons dressed in jean shorts. The signs were all around, warning me that this salon would not provide the hip, urban, shaggy cut I was seeking.

I talked things over with a friend who recommended I visit one of the Sine Qua Non Salons. I called to make an appointment with Ryan and was pleasantly surprised that he had an opening on Sunday (only a few days away). According to the salon’s website, Ryan “excels at shaggy men’s cuts,” and I wholeheartedly agree. My new cut is urban enough to blend in at Urban Outfitters, but not so ratty that someone will ask me to open a fitting room. And at $36 (before tip), the cut barely cost more than the place near my house—and I didn’t have to look at a single pair of jean shorts in the process.

This article is cross-posted at boystowners.com.

Minnesota Public Radio has developed a handy political candidate compatibility quiz that pairs you with your perfect presidential match based on your responses to a few questions. I love the idea of electing the next president through something that resembles one of those “Is Your Man Cheating?” quizzes in Cosmopolitan magazine. Maybe we should all vote this way—just answer a few questions on the issues that matter to you and let a computer decide which candidate is the best fit. I think this might be the only way my mom could be forced to vote for Hillary Clinton. My mom has no idea why she hates Hillary. She just knows—through some completely unscientific logic—that Hillary is evil, and that’s reason enough.

In case you’re wondering, the quiz said that I should marry and/or vote for Chris Dodd or Dennis Kucinich. The quiz didn’t offer much advice as to whether I should break off my secret affair with Mitt Romney, but it did reveal that Edwards and I both use the same stem-cell-laced moisturizer.

My friends over at Boystowners just posted the most amazing link to Hunters and Gatherers—a blog devoted to bringing you the most ridiculous, “oh-no-he-didn’t” user profiles on Manhunt. The site’s contributors even add their own catty, Joan-and-Melissa-Rivers-style commentary. Me likey.

The Irish Ninja Gay-sha Known Simply as BJstorm