A few days ago, I received a small package addressed to Frugal Fashion. My first thought was that someone had finally decided to send me an envelope full of anthrax for one of my scathing exposes that brought me (and my tens of readers) too close to the truth. After pondering how great I’d be as Julia Roberts’ character in a sequel to The Pelican Brief, I took a deep breath and opened the envelope to discover a very sweet thank-you note from a reader who purchased one of my Nights the Lights Went Out in Georgia T-shirts. He even included a homemade DVD full of Bernice-related clips from Designing Women. This stranger’s act of love was almost as gratifying as that time I gave a homeless lady a can of slightly expired garbanzo beans that I never found a use for after three changes of address.

So, before you spend your hard-earned money on pricey therapy or try to improve your relationships with friends and family, remember that there is no substitute for the adoration of a stranger. It truly is, as Whitney said, the greatest love of all.

Watching Golden Girls reruns just got a little more bittersweet now that Bea Arthur has passed away. Apparently Bea had cancer, but no one seems to know what type or how long she had been fighting it. For (slightly) more info, check out this article from the Chicago Tribune.

When I was in high school, all the cool kids studied French, so I did, too. Spanish was far too ordinary, and for years I had little interest in learning it. But now I find myself longing to travel to exotic Latin locales. So, I’ve decided that before I try to order a prime cut of beef in Buenos Aires or save sea turtles in Costa Rica, I should learn a bit of Spanish. And of course, there’s no better way to learn basic, cliché phrases than by listening to pop music. Here are a few of my favorites for those of you interested in joining my study group.

First, there’s Marta Sanchez from Spain. In the video for “Soy Yo” (below), Marta pays homage (read: rips off) a particular American diva right down to her awkward dancing and persistent hair flinging. If it takes you more than 15 seconds to figure it out, you’re either not paying attention or you’re a straight man.

Once you’re tired of watching Marta point at herself and frame her face with her hands, you can shake your bon-bon to “Superstar” and revel in a whole new kind of pointing mixed with pelvic thrusting and moaning in “High Energy.”

Although Marta gets points for being really good at spinning around in chairs without throwing up, my heart currently belongs to Mexican pop sensation Belanova. Their lyrics are very easy to learn and I love their electro-pop sound and the slightly squeaky voice of their lead singer. For beginners, check out “Me Pregunto“. Once you’ve mastered that, you can move on to “Baila Mi Corazón“, “Bye Bye” and “One, Two, Three, Go!” (shown below).

It’s easy to find song lyrics online, but it’s often hard to find English translations written by real people. One site that offers some help on this front is trdream.com. The site includes useful translations of several Belanova songs. Also, if you’re looking for some very affordable learning materials to help you round out your new gay-pop vocabulary, I recommend the following:

1001 Most Useful Spanish Words - $2

Easy Spanish Phrasebook - $2

Quick-Study Spanish Vocabulary Cards - $5.95

If you happen to order any of the items above from Amazon, check to see if they’re included in Amazon’s 4-for-3 promotion. (They all were when I ordered.) If you order four items that are eligible, the cheapest one is free. It’s not a huge savings when you’re ordering $2 books, but it can be a nice way to grab an extra copy for a friend.

I just noticed a big ol’ pile of comments in my spam filter that seem perfectly legit, so I’ve been going through them and approving anything that looks like it wasn’t written by a staff member at a Russian mail-order bride service or a Nigerian prince. Some of them are really old, so my apologies to any loyal readers who thought I was giving them the cold shoulder. Once you have one comment approved, you should be able to comment any time without approval. (Although clearing your browser cookies might undo this. I’m not entirely sure how it works.)

If you have any trouble commenting in the future, feel free to send me a heads up at frugal[at]frugalfag[dot]com.

A friend sent me a link today to a lovely little house for sale in Houston. It ain’t cheap, but I thought I’d pass it along for those of you who enjoy real estate voyeurism as much as I do.

If you like Ugly Betty, you might also enjoy Ugly Yeti. And if you love the raw, virile energy of The Fast and the Furious, you’ll love The Fast and the Bi-Curious. Also, Susan Boyle should stop by American Idol and show those kids how it’s done.

Gay-man-loving straight girls like to complain that all the hot guys are gay, but I’m here to tell you that simply isn’t true. All the hot guys are straight. And by hot, I’m not talking “tweezed metrosexual with plump, androgynous lips” hot. I’m talking “toned, brawny man with sun-kissed skin, a chest lightly peppered with hair, and a five o’clock shadow that hugs an angular jawline” hot. I’m talking Hugh Jackman / Matthew Fox hot.

Gay men who look like Hugh Jackman simply don’t exist. Now, I know what you’re going to say. I’m setting the bar too high. There just aren’t many men, straight or gay, who look like Hugh Jackman or Matthew Fox or that guy who played the human torch in The Fantastic Four. And you may be right. But I’ll even go out on a limb here and say that gay men never resemble approachable, ruggedly adorable men like John Corbett (Aidan Shaw of Sex and the City) or Dylan Walsh (Dr. Sean McNamara of Nip/Tuck) or Bobby Cannavale (Will’s boyfriend on Will & Grace). The terms “ruggedly handsome” or even “ruggedly cute” and “gay” just don’t appear in the same sentence (unless that sentence points out that the two terms don’t belong together).

Granted, there are cute gay guys out there, but they only come in a few flavors, and those flavors rarely include the term hot and NEVER include ruggedly handsome hotness. The sooner we all accept and this fact, the sooner we can all learn to love our cute (but not ruggedly hot) boyfriends and stop fantasizing about being verbally abused by Christian Bale. In an effort to identify, classify, and promote greater understanding of this strange occurrence, I submit for your approval FrugalFag’s General Taxonomy and Field Guide to Potentially Cute (but Not Hot) Gay Male Species:

1) The Pretty Lady
Fatal Flaws: excessive lip shine, feminine features or haircut, willowy frame, cheek puckering, and/or overuse of the word “girl”.
Cute (but not hot) Example: Lance Bass
Hot Exception: Dustin Lance Black (screenwriter of Milk)

2) The Nerd-’Mo-Tron 3000
Fatal Flaws: pasty skin, bad posture, and/or unremarkable features
Cute (but not hot) Examples: John Cameron Mitchell, T.R. Knight (Debatable cuteness level, I realize, but bear with me.)
Hot Exception: Anderson Cooper

3) The Emo She-’Mo
Fatal Flaws: flat-ironed hair, nail polish, eyeliner, and too many giant rings
Cute (but not hot) Example: Adam Lambert of American Idol Season 8
Hot Exception: Does Pete Wentz count?

4) The “Almost Ruggedly Hot but Something Is Kind of Wrong with His Face” Guy
Fatal Flaws: Neanderthal-esque forehead, thin lips, protruding granny chin, distracting nose and/or mole
Cute (but not hot) Examples: Rupert Everett, George Michael (but only BEFORE he came out and started sporting weird facial hair that made him look like one of those hair models from a hardcover look book you peruse at Mastercuts to show your stylist what NOT to do. George Michael further proves my point that gayness absorbs and removes all evidence of rugged hotness like a ShamWow.)
Hot Exception: Neil Patrick Harris

5) The “Almost Ruggedly Hot until He Speaks or Moves” guy, also known as the “Looks Like Tarzan, Sounds Like Jane” Guy
Fatal Flaws: wild flailing of hands and limbs, Mario-Cantone like vocal tone, catlike sauntering
Cute (but not hot) Example: Kyan Douglas from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Hot Exceptions: Kyan Douglas (when not talking or moving), Nate Berkus (at all times), Luke Macfarlane from Brothers & Sisters (I only recently learned this guy is gay and now I fear he may ruin my entire theory.)

6) The Man-Bear-Pig
Fatal Flaws: overly hairy, balding, and/or too flabby to describe body type as “football player’s build”
Cute (but not hot) Example: The guy who plays Matt Parkman on Heroes? (Sorry, I couldn’t think of a gay example here. If you have a Christopher Lowell fetish or can think of an example most of us can agree on, feel free to make suggestions.)
Hot Exceptions: None that I could think of.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I just want to remind everyone about how much I love promo and coupon codes for online retailers. These codes are often sent to select customers, but they’re very easy to find online. So, before you pay full price, make sure to do a quick search for something like “j.crew promo code” or “Bath and Body Works coupon code”. Sites like RetailMeNot.com keep fairly comprehensive lists of these codes, along with ratings to indicate how reliable the codes are.