The web is all abuzz about the newly launched peopleofwalmart.com. The site allows you to submit photos of distinctive Walmart shoppers which the site’s author refers to as “creatures.” The collection is small but growing and must be seen to be believed.

For the second part of our summer vacation, the bf and I did a short cruise to Russia and Estonia. The ports were amazing and I enjoyed stuffing my face with an unlimited supply of turkey sausage and mini muffins. However, the ship’s entertainment was as cheesy and painful to watch as you’d expect on a low-budget cruise full of Europeans who think David Hasselhoff is a brilliant musician. For example, the Broadway musical review included:

Three white girls in black polyester wigs performing “One Night Only” from Dreamgirls.

A not-so-stirring rendition of “And I Am Telling You.” While I should probably be thankful that the number was performed by the cast’s one black female member (which prevented another unfortunate synthetic wig situation), the vocals left much to be desired. By the end I kept hoping another white girl in a polyester wig would return to offer some backup.

A wobble that almost turned into a full face plant as one cast member tried to clap and walk at the same time during “All That Jazz.”

After the cruise, we stayed in Stockholm for a few days. There, we made several observations about the city, its inhabitants, and its culture.

Swedish people all seem to have perfect, golden-brown tans. I don’t know if it’s just a summer thing or if they all sleep in tanning beds year round, but it was sexy and sickening.

The DILF to non-DILF ratio is extremely high. If hot dads are your thing, you’ll find them in abundance on the streets of Stockholm.

At pride, the army had a booth where aspiring queer soldiers could try on a heavy backpack and try climbing up and down a step.

The pride parade was full of proud gays in uniform—including groups of gay soldiers, police, firefighters, doctors, and public transit workers. There were also a ton of straight parents and their kids, with many of the kids wearing giant headphones to protect their ears from the countless floats that blasted “Gimme, Gimme, Gimme” as they made their way down the street.

Overall, I really loved Stockholm. It was incredibly clean, the people were friendly, the architecture was amazing, and there was more to see and do than I had initially anticipated.

On the flight home, we got a free upgrade to business class where the champagne flowed like water and reindeer wraps were available on demand. (Yes, that’s a wrap sandwich filled with reindeer meat.) At one point, the stewardess left us unattended with an entire bottle of Baileys and a box of Godiva chocolates, then apologized profusely for making me wait more than 30 seconds for my cranberry juice. I broke the Baileys bottle over her head and beat her with my eye mask until I didn’t have the strength to raise my arm. She thanked me for showing her mercy and crawled back to the galley. It was a perfect end to a perfect trip.

I have no idea why artists leak multiple songs before their album is even available, but Whitney’s people have posted a second song on her site and it’s already all over YouTube. It’s definitely not something I can see getting top-40 airplay, but it’s catchy. I can definitely see moms across America tolerating—perhaps even enjoying it—when it comes on their favorite, inoffensive adult-contemporary radio station.

Sadly it seems the ol’ Voice she ain’t what she used to be and there’s not a high note to be found on any of the songs that have leaked so far. It seems those of us waiting for some gay dance anthem with a 30-second reverbed high note might have to settle for snippets sampled from the pre-crack era.

Back in May, I couldn’t stand the site of my $90 cable bill (not counting internet access) any more. So, I reduced my bill to around $25 a month—enough to cover just the digital video recorder and access to the basic local networks in high definition. (Comcast charges so much more for internet access if you don’t have some type of cable TV service that it didn’t make sense to ditch the cable entirely.) After a grueling three-month boycott, there were casualties on both sides: Comcast had lost hundreds and the bf and I were forced to get to know each other on a deeper level.

After calling a customer service rep. to see if any special offers were available for existing customers, I couldn’t hold out any longer. For $45 a month, I got the digital preferred package, an HD DVR, and HBO for one year. I just spent the evening catching up with the real housewives of Atlanta and I have to admit this might be the best $45 l’ve ever spent. The highlight of the night had to be watching Shereé get into a ghetto fabulous screaming match with her “top-level executive” party planner.

After watching this, I couldn’t help but wonder if Michelle Obama ever gets into it with some White House staff member like this. Can’t you picture it? Michelle questioning the arrangement of ornaments on the Christmas Tree in the Blue Room, to which the tree trimmer responds, “Google me and do my resume, bitch! You need to watch yourself before you get checked!” To which Michelle would raise an eyebrow and respond, “Who gon’ check me, boo?” Now THAT would be must-see TV.

I just wrapped up a tour of the Baltic that included stops in Copenhagen, Stockholm, St. Petersburg, and Tallin, Estonia. The trip was full of thrilling highs and soul-crushing lows. Here are some of the highlights from my first stop: Copenhagen, Denmark.

• In case you haven’t already heard, the residents of Copenhagen love bicycles. The city rivals Amsterdam for the title of most bike-friendly city in the world. Everywhere you go there are signs and t-shirts touting Copenhagen’s love affair with bikes.
• On my first evening walking around the city’s main shopping street, some drunk guy knocked over a giant falafel/kebab kiosk, shattering the glass sneeze guard and peppering the street with chunks of roasted lamb. People start drinking early in Copenhagen and it seems they don’t stop until the sun comes up.
• I stumbled on a cheap canal boat tour and decided to give it a try. The boat covered a lot of ground and the tour was extensive. It was further enhanced by a very Danish-looking tour guide. She sported an outfit that I can best describe as “mime chic.” The outfit included a fitted, black-and-white striped top, a red beret, and Jackie-O sunglasses. She punctuated her narration with deep puffs on a cigarette and seemed quite bored with all of us. When we got to the Little Mermaid statue, she gave a long explanation in Danish. When it came time to translate this to English, she said, “In the story of the little mermaid, the mermaid falls in love with a prince so much she wants to live on dry land. But in the end she does not get him and she dies.”
• Our final morning in Copenhagen, the bf and I had to walk to a large train station in the center of town. It was nearly 7:00 a.m. As soon as we left the hotel and turned the corner, a guy standing outside a gay bar gave us a look of disdain and said, “Ack, tourists.” Let me say that again. A gay guy who had been drinking all night took the time to express his disgust with us as we were leaving town. Next, we got a dirty look from two guys who were kicking bikes at the main entrance to the station, looking for an easy target to steal. After that we were sent off in style by a few guys who tried to spit on us as we came down the escalator.

Needless to say, Copenhagen’s charms fell a little flat. In my next installment, I’ll recap our cruise to St. Petersburg, Russia and Tallin, Estonia.